


True Colors

by addyrobin



Category: Flock - D&D Campaign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 06:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20755772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addyrobin/pseuds/addyrobin
Summary: Under a wall of stained glass, Rahmi comes out to his mentor.





	True Colors

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna start posting some of the things I've written about my D&D character in an attempt to archive them for both me and the other people who play in the game! If that's not your jam, dw--I'm doing this for me :3c
> 
> SO Old worn down churches are ABSOLUTELY my aesthetic, and I've written far too many pieces about Rahmi in them but that's fine. Also, I love Gremm!!! I love Gremm forever!!! And Rahmi loves him too!

Like most of the churches he visited with Gremm, this one too had that musty smell that was growing more and more familiar to Rahmi. It was odd, that - the stale air of a place he’d never been feeling more like home than home did. His ears twitch a little as the door shuts, but he’s gotten far better – the first time he went anywhere like this with his teacher, just the sound of the doors falling shut made him flinch so hard he’d nearly fall over.

“We’ve only got a few hours here, so best tae get to work while there’s time.” Gremm’s already passed him a practice sword, and Rahmi eagerly follows his teacher towards the center of the room. The priests were kind enough to clear things out for them before they came, so the center of the room is entirely clear. Patterns of color from the stained glass windows fall upon the floor where Rahmi decides to stop, liking the way it colors his shirt and shoes. He catches a faintly amused look on Gremm’s face when he finally tears his eyes from them and blushes self-consciously.

“S-Sorry,” he says quickly. “The colors are nice…”

“Ach. Not a minute into the lesson and already ye lose focus?” He knows that Gremm doesn’t really mean it, but Rahmi tries to pull himself together nonetheless. He raises the practice sword and takes a stance, ready to train…

…but even after only an hour, Rahmi’s mistakes greatly outnumber his successes. He stumbles as Gremm whacks his knees, squawking indignantly at his pupil’s latest failure.

“That all ye got?” Rahmi looks up, trying to keep tears from his eyes. “We’ll never make a proper swordsman out of ye if ye can’t even learn a simple technique like this, boy!”

“I’m doing the best I can, sir!” Rahmi retorts, taking up his fighting stance once more – but it’s only a matter of seconds before Gremm has knocked him back again, huffing at Rahmi’s mistakes.

“Sure doesn’t  _ seem _ like your best,” he comments, looking at Rahmi skeptically. “I don’t think you’re taking this seriously…”

“…” Rahmi doesn’t even properly take a stance this time, anger turning his vision red like the glass as he charges at Gremm in a burst of fury. The tengu doesn’t even bat an eye, disarming Rahmi with a single motion and swiftly knocking him back onto the ground. Incautious in his fall, he bangs his cheek against the ground and winces at the pain. There’s surely going to be a bruise there…

Gremm approaches, staring Rahmi down with irritation. “Keh! How many times have I told you? Just rushing in headfirst isn’t going tae win ye any battles – why am I trying tae teach ye if you don’t even want to learn, sword boy—”

“Shut  _ up _ !!” It comes out angrier than he’d like it, and Rahmi claps his hands over his mouth as Gremm looks at him with shock. He’s never said anything like that to Gremm before, even in frustration. The tears are starting to sting in his eyes, and he can’t hold them back anymore – turning away from his teacher as his shoulders start to shake.

“…go have a seat. Ye need a break.” Gremm finally says, and Rahmi pushes himself off the ground and paces quietly to the other end of the church – the silence that follows like a weight on his shoulders. Gremm comes to take a seat beside him after a while, the two of them now perched at the back of the chapel and sitting side by side. The colors of the stained glass still touch them both – patterns of green and blue coloring Rahmi’s hands now.

After a while, Gremm speaks up again.

“Something on yer mind, eh?” He’s gotten gentler now that he’s not actually instructing Rahmi. “Ye don’t usually have off days like this unless ye’ve got somethin’ burnin’ up inside of ye.”

“…maybe…I guess…I dunno…” Rahmi winces. Something is bothering him, but…it’s not precisely something that Gremm can help with.

“Well, spit it out.” Gremm huffs, folding his arms and looking around the church. “I told ye, we’ve only got a few hours here. Less, now that we’re—”

“I’m really sorry that I keep messing up, sir.” The words escape Rahmi before he’s even had a moment to properly think them over, his eyes starting to sting again as he goes on. “There’s honestly nothing on my mind, but this is really tough, and…I’m trying my best, but I’m just not getting it, and then not getting it made me frustrated, and…”

“Is that all?” Gremm lets out a little huff, shaking his head. “If ye needed me tae go over it again, ye should have just said so in the first place, sword boy.”

“...I just hate feeling like I’m failing to understand what I’m supposed to be learning. I hate feeling like I’m not good enough to get these techniques and stuff.” Rahmi stares at his hands, unable to put his eyes anywhere but the colors upon them.

“Ach. Ye aren’t failing anything. Usually yer a pretty quick study.” Rahmi still doesn’t look up, but he can feel Gremm’s eyes on him. “But that’s what training’s fer in the first place. It’s fine if ye don’t get somethin’ on the first try.”

“It’s not fine for me.” Rahmi finally looks up – Gremm is looking right at him, and Rahmi almost falters at the weight of his teacher’s gaze. “I have to get this stuff, and I have to do it fast. I don’t have the option of failing in any way if I want others to respect me…”

“That’s not true.” Gremm squints at him. “Yer plenty respectable. Yer just tryin’ tae get to all those shallow Eyrieni folk, and they’ll judge ye for anything from walkin’ different tae breathin’ wrong. Anywhere else, ye’d be fine…”

“Not exactly.” Rahmi sighs, wringing his hands. “Not if they found out that my body doesn’t match my heart.”

“…ye ought to be goin’ into poetry over swordplay with talk like that.” He doesn’t miss Gremm’s skeptical look, and Rahmi sighs again – this time, a faint little smile creeping onto his face.

“It’s the only way I know to explain it.” He pauses for a long moment. “I’m a boy.”

“…okay?”

Rahmi snorts. “Well, when I was  _ born _ …they wanted to say differently. I was called Thana’s younger sister, the second daughter of Selle and Manu Romazi – ‘Amari’ was the name my parents gave me.” He clears his throat, looking away from Gremm. “But when I got old enough to talk, I corrected them. I told my parents that I was a boy, took my middle name, and made it my first instead. So I became Rahmi Romazi, Thana’s younger brother, and the first son of Selle and Manu Romazi. My family accepted that, and I was happy for a while.”

“But there are a lot of people who are never going to understand or accept that about me.” He’s still got his eyes on the floor, uncertain of how Gremm will look. He trusts his teacher – of course he does, Gremm looked after Rahmi when no one else would, they swing swords at each other without caution day in and day out. He doesn’t think Gremm would judge him for this, but… “I have to work twice as hard to be respected by people who would otherwise spit on me for who I am…”

“…keh.” Gremm gives a little uncertain cough, and Rahmi still doesn’t look up. “Talkin’ about respect. They admire that sorta thing in Eyrien, nearly worship it. Gives ye a better chance of gettin’ up there with the nobles, doesn’t it?”

“But I don’t _want_ to be looked at differently.” Rahmi frowns. “And besides, that’s _ only _ Eyrien. Other nations are different in their views…it’s hard. I can’t just be ‘good enough.’ I have to be  _ better.  _ I have to be so good that no one can ever question me. ”

Silence reigns in the empty chapel for a long moment, the patterns from the glass gradually slipping forward as time passes and the light moves. Rahmi doesn’t look up from the floor, and Gremm clears his throat a few times, but doesn’t speak.

“...Why are ye telling me this?” Gremm sounds…confused, more than anything. When Rahmi finally does look up, he finds that the tengu is staring straight at the floor. He laughs a little out of nervousness, looking away as well.

“Because I trust you. I know YOU won't question me.” His heart is hammering in his chest despite it all. He’s honestly never told anyone but his family, but… “And because I want you to understand me. Why I get so frustrated when I make mistakes, why I’m so conscious about my failures and overenthusiastic about every aspect of my training. I have to put everything that I am into this, because I  _ can’t _ fail.” He swallows. “I know some people will respect me, and many won’t care, but…there are a lot of people who are going to hate me if they ever find out, just because they don’t understand who I am.”

It’s quiet again in the chapel, and Rahmi lets the empty air be some form of comfort to him. He swallows, blinks, then sighs. Maybe it was a mistake to tell Gremm after all? “We…can go back to training if you—”

“Ye didn’t need tae tell me that about you,” Gremm says quietly, and Rahmi can almost  _ feel _ his heart sinking into his stomach. He starts to speak, but Gremm cuts him off quickly. “I already know yer doin’ yer best. This doesn’t change anything about ye in my eyes... sword boy.” The term suddenly seems so much more affectionate, and Rahmi can’t help smiling. “And ye can jus’  _ tell _ me when ye don’t understand something I’m tryin’ tae teach you, aye? I’m not gonna think of you as a failure or start disrespecting ye for not gettin’ something first try. Yeh said yerself, I won't question yeh unless what yer doin' is stupid.”

“…okay.” Rahmi smiles faintly, rubbing at his eyes and looking back at Gremm. “Thank you.”

“Mhm.” Gremm rises from his seat beside Rahmi, looking down at him and offering his wing. “It doesn’t matter what ye are, Rahmi. It only matters what ye  _ do _ .”

Rahmi blinks, looking up at Gremm with sudden inspiration, and takes hold of the tengu's wing. He rises slowly, staring up at him with reverence and then nodding.

“Can we get back to training now?” Rahmi smiles again, pushing his hair back with his free hand. “I’d…like you to show me how to do this one more time. I know I can get it.”

“Mm.” Gremm releases him, starting back towards the center of the church with a soft snort. “Yeh, alright.” He glances over his shoulder at Rahmi, a faint smile on his face. “I think ye can, too.”


End file.
